This web log is of the passing of Peter Troxell. Most of it was written by me while I sat at my dad's side. The most recent entries are at the top, therefore you should start at the bottom. I also recommend reading what others have written to or about Peter. If you have thoughts to share or especially memories of Peter please contribute them by submitting a note which I will add to this site.
-Lyle TroxellWe are all still missing Peter. He was a great man in the community he loved, Santa Cruz and in the family he made. Diana and I have a long-term goal of having a showing of some of Peter's photos. If you are interested in being notified of that event please simply send a message about/to Peter. I will contact everyone that has done so when we pick a date.
The MCT fireside memorial on Friday evening was very nice. Some really close friends were there. There was a fire-pit with chairs and candles encircling. People talked about how they met Peter and the effect of him and his family on their lives. My father and family was and is very loved. There was also singing and laughing. Kathie and Larry thank you for hosting such a meaningful event.
Peter always had great pets. His most recent 4 legged love was Charles, a large red Doberman Pincher. Charles, with his sweet temper and odd communication traits sat by my dad's side day in and day out. They were very close. Yesterday Charles stopped drinking. This morning he said goodbye to Diana and went to be with Peter. We will miss you Charles.
The many messages, letters, flowers and money keep coming in-- I get to cry a little over each one, and thank you all so much. I had years to prepare for this, but like rehearsal isnt the same as performance, I am amazed how much emotion I'm swimming in. Yes there is some relief, taking care of Peter for so long was exhausting and very very sad, yet my heart is full of grief and It feels good to share that with all of you, thank you. There's also this sense that something is missing, and also a sense of bewilderment--what happened? How could that have happened? I am praying for acceptance for all of us. love and thanksl
Diana Wright TroxellThis morning we (Mom and my two sisters and family) took dad to the crematorium. I pushed his coffin into the oven. With tears streaming I started the roaring fire that removed his body from our world.
We walked over to the memorial and shared his life with the extended family. Singing, laughing and lots of tears.
My dad loved to bake and, like many things, was very good at it. A couple days before our birthdays he would ask what kind of cake we wanted. Dad threw wonderful parties and would normally make the cake. Dad would also take pictures.... he was a very good photographer. I can not think of one birthday of mine that my father ever missed. Today I turned 30. My dad didn't make me my birthday cake, and tonight he didn't take the pictures of the friends and family who were all missing him.
After everyone left, Adriana, Marina and I looked at pictures of our life... pictures that Peter took. We had a very full life with our dad. Peter had a very full life. Thank you all for sharing it with him. -Lyle
This morning I awoke a little earlier then I normally do... maybe 10 minutes. Daria and I got Wyatt ready for school and I got out of the house with about 5 minutes to spare. I decided to swing in and tell my dad I loved him. I drove up, left Wyatt in the car, and ran in. My dad was in the living room alone. I gave him a hug and a kiss "Dad, it's Lyle... I love you. Have a good day".
I gave Cici (family friend) a hug and a couple tears. As I walked out the front door I turned back: "Dad, I love you. Goodbye". I hadn't said goodbye to him like that... that was my first time. I hopped in the car with tears streaming down my face and told Wyatt that I was sad because Papa was going away forever.
Today in his home with his wife Diana at around 8:30am my father, Peter Troxell, died. My dad was an amazing man in so many ways. He was well respected in the community and loved dearly by many. I will never forget him and always be proud to say "I'm Peter Troxell's son Lyle".
Dad, I love you. Goodbye.
Adriana flew back to her family this morrning. A lot of the close friends/care givers are gone right now and things are starting to get tough. Diana has realized that the direct family doing over-nighters is too much of a strain with the amount of grief we are feeling.
This weekend we hired a nurse to come in and assist for 4 hours. It was good. Now Diana is looking at their finances to see if she can relieve some of the direct care needs by hiring help more regularly. If you would like to help out you can send money to Peter and Diana.
It seems so strage to ask loved ones for money - but when the need is there - who cares... right? FYI an in-home nurse is $15/hour.
Our tear ducts are all working. Marina, Adriana, Diana and I are all with Peter now. Candellight. Adriana and Marina are singing... so lovely.
Dad is not drinking any more but we are all making up for it with tears. I'll Fly Away is the current song.
I picked the casket up from Mel's shop today. He did the final touches without me. It is a simple pine box. Making it was very hard and wonderful. As it took shape it became more difficult for me, but we finished it.
I started working on his urn today. A wooden box with some similar styles to the casket. The casket will be burned with my Dad but the wooden box that we will get his ashes back in should be with us for years. Even after we find Peter's final resting place I hope my mom will keep this box, the last thing I will ever give to my dad.
-Lyle
On Monday Marina and Chris arrived from GA. They brought their lovley daughters, Ariana and Aurora. Peter held Aurora and smiled. Adriana, Peter's eldist, is arriving tonight.
The Messages section of the site is running now. You can send your thoughts and feelings and as I have the time I will get them up. Love is always a nice thing to share.
-Lyle
Yesterday Peter said that he is ready to die, and he decided to stop taking all of his medications. He is sleeping most of the time. He is continuing to request ice chips, and has 2 spoonfuls of ice cream every day. Sometimes he has soup or juice. He is in good spirits, and is not in pain. His faithful dog, Charles, stays beside the bed all day long.
Peter is eating and drinking less and "dreaming" more. He has his moments of awakeness but drifts into other spaces while being "here".
Today the Dominican Home nurse said that he may be with us for another week or two. We are so used to a vibrant and strong Peter that, in contrast, his current state doesn't seem sustainable.
Mostly silence intermixed with words: "Tomorrow", "no", hand gestures, "good", smile, "yeah", "I want some broth."
Last night Peter had a good night. He had a bit of energy and sat up for a while on the edge of his bed. He even fed himself yogert.
This morning we found out that he has a bowel infection which we will begin treating today. Hopefully this will make him more comfortable and may improve his appetite.
Peter decided to stop taking Levonx shots today. Levonx is a blood thiner which Peter has been taking to reduce the chance of a blood clot forming and damaging his heart, lung or brain. Peter also decided not to go to his doctor appointment this afternoon.
Peter sleeps a lot, smiles a bit and eats ice chips the rest of the time.
Family friend Willie Yaryan came back from a long trip and stayed with Peter in the morning. Peter has really wanted to see Willie for about 3 days now. On Saturday he was frustrated that he had to wait another day for Willie.
My dad made a lot of comments today about how he was ready to leave. But he also said, after my prompting, that he would like to go to his doctor's appointment on Monday. Kit Anderton (one of Peter's closest friends and a major supporter of Peter getting better) was there for this and afterwards asked if I really meant to take him to the doctor's. I said that I will if he wants to. But that most likely he wouldn't feel up to it.
The chair right next to the hospital bed in the living room was Peter's fathers. It has always been my Dad's chair. As a kid it was the one piece of furniture that we were not allowed to jump on. Today my dad told me that he wanted me to have it when he died. I felt like I should jump up and refuse to sit in it. But instead I thanked him and held his hand, and fed him ice chips and cried.
-Lyle
Exhaustion is Peter's biggest battle at this point. He is tired all the time. Additionally, he is having trouble swallowing. We don't know why.
Our family friend Joe is leaving on Sunday, he has been here since Peter came back from Dominican Rehab a week and a half ago. Joe has been amazing by staying awake for long hours supporting both Peter and Diana.
Diana is praying for peace, for the family and for Peter.
Peter was diagnosed with Prostate cancer over 8 years ago. At the time he was told he had five to ten years to live. As of this week Peter is with his wife Diana Wright Troxell in their lovely Lompico, California home.
Peter is sleeping in the living room on a hospital bed, and next to him sleeps his faithful dog Charles. Peter gets up to sit on his wheelchair about once a day, but is relatively confined to his bed. He has had recent trouble with thrush (a throat infection) which has lowered his appetite. Earlier this week Peter's PSA count came in at 1300, dropping from 3500 the week before. Unfortunetly his white blood cell count was too low on Monday to do another round of chemotherapy, so he is in a bit of a holding pattern.
Peter is a fighter and continues to push on. His most immediate battle is with thrush, and he is winning that battle. He has had food for two days in a row.
Mountain Community Theater's most recent The Vignette (MCT's news letter) ran a story about helping Peter and his family through this tough time.
Here is a part of the story:For informaition regarding Peter and ways in which you can help the family (money; visits; time; errands; food; medical supplies; gift certificates/services; housekeeping; etc.) please contact:
- Tara McMilin
- (831) 335-4269
The Troxells are requesting that contacts and help be arranged through Tara who is acting as coordinator and liaison for them. To simply send warm greetings you may mail cards and letters directly to the Troxell home:
- Peter and Diana Troxell
- 125 Old Mill Ave.
- Felton, CA 95018
